Portrait of the Artist as a Young Woman

Hello KP fans everywhere!

If you happened to have been near the KPLRC offices this morning and heard the unending chorus of screaming and squeals of excitement emanating from the building, you might have been forgiven for thinking Christmas had come early. That was certainly the feeling amongst those of us lucky enough to work here, as we finally took delivery of the  Katie Price protrait  that we commissioned eminent royal portrait photographer Lord Patrick Lichfield to produce for us, some months back!

Lord Lichfield has long had a reputation as one of the world’s foremost portrait photographers and he certainly lived up to that reputation with this simply stunning portrait of Ms. Price, which he produced for the KPLRC.

jordenorange

We may be biased but,  as a work of art, we think this is right up there alongside the Mona Lisa: The mysterious elegance. The enigmatic smile. The way the breasts seem to follow you round the room –absolutely wonderful!

So, it’s a big ‘Thank You’ to Lord Lichfield for making us the happiest hagiographers on the internet and an equally big ‘Thank You’ to all of you who took part in our ‘Orange Nose Day’ fund-raiser last year and made this commission possible. Any of you lucky enough to live near our offices in Crudgemudgeon St. please feel free to drop in and see this beautfiul portrait for yourselves. You might have to be prepared to queue up behind a gaggle of KPLRC employees though –we just can’t get enough of gazing at it!

Advertisements

We were hacked!

Hello everyone.

We’d like to apologise to those of you who visited the site yesterday expecting your fix of literary news and instead found yourself confronted by repulsive images of an orange-faced prostitute with obscene surgically inflated cartoon breasts. I’m afraid our website was once again hacked by the Jodie Marsh Liberation Army. Hackers affiliated with that group gained access to our database and were able to remove our normal content and replace it with pictures of their grotesque heroine.

You’ll be pleased to know that we’ve now regained control of our servers and have put in place upgraded security measures which should ensure such a distasteful incident doesn’t happen again. We thank you all for your loyalty and understanding during this difficult time.

And, lest any “newbies” visiting us yesterday, were left in any doubt…

This is their monstrous deformed gargoyle

pricenice

And this is our beautiful genius

marshming

In your face JMLA! –it’ll take a lot more than a couple of defaced webpages to alter that inalienable truth!

[Note to Editor: Rem to double check pics before publishing!!!]

Competition Time!

Hello everybody –It’s that time of year again when we announce our annual KPLRC Prize Competition!

You may have thought we pulled out all the stops last year with our prize of a copy of the “TomTom GPS Map of the Veins Round Katie Price’s Stretched Orange Nipples” and (all modesty aside!) we were feeling pretty smug here at the time. But I think I can say with my hand on my heart that this year’s prize is even more fantastic.

Take a good look at the picture below and rub your eyes in disbelief! For, in this year’s competition, we are offering you the chance to win this actual page from the original draft manuscript of Katie Price’s multi Booker Prize winning novel Crystal. That’s right folks –you could soon be holding in your very own hands a fragment of literary history –one of the very pieces of paper upon which the great authoress poured forth her genius, to the delight of her legions of fans around the globe.

kpmanuscript

To be in with a chance of winning, all you have to to is text the answer (A, B or C) to the following question to 80085. You can enter as many times as you want before the closing date of midnight on 12 December 2014, and the first correct entry pulled out of the reinforced brassiere cup after that date wins the prize.

QUESTION: What is Katie Price’s Favourite Skin Colour?

A: Slate Grey

B: Fluorescent Orange

C: Muddy Brown

(*Texts cost £3 plus operator fees and terminate in Khazakstan)

KP Speaks!

kpinterview

Hello Friends –have we got news for you today!

Founder member of The Katie Price Literary Review Centre, Prof. Mountpiece Judder-Davison was at a gathering of top-flight international experts on contemporary literature in Brussels last weekend –and you’ll never guess who he bumped into!

Yes, none other than Katie Price herself, who was attending the symposium to present her paper “Crystal –A Relational Study on Forensic Etymology as Applied to the Crypto-Analysis of Classical Greek Prose”!

Well, after he picked his jaw up off the floor, Prof. Judder-Davison approached the great lady of letters and begged an interview. At first, Ms. Price was a bit reluctant. She is a busy woman after all and those books don’t write themselves! However, Prof. Judder-Davison persisted and, when Katie Price heard he was from the KPLRC, she was only too glad to find time in her busy schedule to give us a few words:

PROF JD: Well, Ms. Price. First of all, let me say, on behalf of the KPLRC, how delighted we are to be given this chance to speak to you today

KP: Lovely!

PROF JD: Your latest novel Crystal has taken the publishing world by storm. You must be delighted…

KP: Lovely!

PROF JD: …although not entirely surprised. Did you realise what a momentous ouevre you were creating, whilst you were writing it?

KP: Lovely!

PROF JD: People have speculated that the heroine of your novel Crystal may be inspired by yourself. Do you think you share any character traits with her?

KP: Lovely!

PROF JD: You certainly are, my dear!… (laughs) …And finally, if I may, I’d like to ask you if you would be so kind as to send a personal message to the members of the Katie Price Literary Review Centre website.

KP: Lovely!

Well, there you have it. I hope you all enjoyed that absolutely Price-less (pun intended!) insight into the mind of one of the greatest writers of our age. And well done to Prof. Judder-Davison for managing to keep himself under control for long enough to ask those fascinating questions!